There is nothing worse then the feeling of anxiety. Always worrying about tomorrow and what’s to come in the next few months. Doubting everything you are doing and feeling unsatisfied. Maybe even having feelings of inadequacy. I can’t describe it any other way than just feeling yucky. Lately I have been having some of these feelings. It’s funny because when I sit down and try to find the rhyme or reason to why I am feeling like this I can’t even pin point what it is. It is just a wave of emotions I get occasionally that really take a toll on me.
But I think I may have figured out the reason why these feelings creep up on me. I am trying to be in control of my life. Why I always think my plan is the right plan is beyond me. The days I have this yucky feeling are the days that I don’t wake up in the morning and talk to the Big Guy. The days I don’t open up my Bible to read the word. The days I don’t thank God for all of the numerous blessings he bestows on me every single day. Those are the days the yucky feeling is so prevalent. Those are the days I don’t let Him win.
Typical Catherine move, I get defensive and shut down when I begin to feel this way. It’s so weird. Well, I decided to be honest with God this time (as if he doesn’t already know every thought that runs through my head) and let him know what’s been going on. As I started to pray, the recurring statement that kept replaying over and over again in my mind was “It’s not all about me.” After I realized that it’s never all about me, I suddenly felt guilty for having that yucky feeling. I’ve come to learn that the feeling isn’t anxiety or worry, inadequacy or doubt. That feeling is selfishness. When I don’t want to do something because it doesn’t fit perfectly into my plan, I get selfish. In this honest moment with myself, I stopped my thoughts in their tracks. If there is one thing I can control it’s the direction that I think in, and in that moment it was time to change course.
When it’s not all about you it’s actually a bit less stressful. Doing for others truly brings you more fulfillment and happiness than trying to conduct your own life. God already has His plan for you…let Him take control.
My challenge to you is to lose the selfishness, lose the pride and lose the doubt. When times get challenging and you feel like you are not yet where you need to be, repeat this line in your head “It’s not all about me.” How crazy, right? When it’s not all about you is when you fully become you. God really does know what He’s doing :)
Cheers to no more yucky feelings,